I struggle to find words to describe my thoughts and emotions at the present moment. As melodramatic as this sounds, I feel that so many of my past struggles and experiences have prepared me for this point in my life. I love my work, the people I talk to every day, and just being here at this time in Kosovo’s history. With the future status of Kosovo still up in the air, this is a time when change is tangible, when past histories and future uncertainties weigh so heavily on the day-to-day realities of the present.
Every day is a learning experience. I still find myself compelled to act quickly, to somehow enable social change and the building of peace in the fleeting moments before Kosovo’s independence is declared. Yet I understand so very little. My sheltered and privileged childhood in the United States continues to structure my understandings of time, progress and the formulas for creating a strong and vibrant community. In the first month of my experience here in Kosovo, I was so consumed by my desire to build possibilities for change that I found myself constantly stumbling. I concentrated so intently on the road far ahead, on that desired destination of peace, that I wasn’t paying enough attention to the insights and relationships right next to me, to the obstacles that exist before me.
I’ve been reading an amazing book (that also became my dad’s birthday present) by Notre Dame professor, John Paul Lederach (2005): The Moral Imagination: The Art and Soul of Building Peace. One of the passages in the book on “the discipline of stillness” parallels so much of what I have learned so far from my experiences working in Kosovo. Lederach writes, “the discipline of stillness…is one of the hardest lessons to learn for those impelled by social activism and a desire to understand how change can be sustained… Stillness is activism with a twist. It is the platform that generates authenticity of engagement” (p. 104). As I have come to understand after my initial stumblings, stillness is a prerequisite to building peace that compels us to “pay attention to what is around us … When we focus on the really big things, we often miss the greatest potential of resource, insight and change that is present right in the location where our feet our planted” (p. 105).
Enough for now, stay tuned for more on time and some stories that illustrate what I’m talking about!
